Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
and i looked up. we had an audience...
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I think my moral compass just broke
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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