her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
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I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
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I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
FUCK WHALES
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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