Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
