Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
birth control should be required to get into college
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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