his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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