all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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