Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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