It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
