You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
third nipple confirmed
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I just sucked dick on a ferry
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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