you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
His nipple licking is glorious
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