a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
