you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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