theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
