I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I need moral support for this bender
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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