This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
