Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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