"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
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