Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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