he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
