I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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