Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
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