toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
