i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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