i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
