I just cut my nipple shaving
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
