and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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