Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
