There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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