i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
