she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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