i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
