Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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