ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
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