so explain again why im purple
no
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
