When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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