Your dad touched me again.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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