then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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