The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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