I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He felt like a one man threesome
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
