She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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