I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
