Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
