....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
She's not a foreskin expert like you
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again