my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
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I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
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I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Dear god my vagina.
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