sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
