"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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