Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
where are you?
Hypothermia
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
