he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
