Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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