You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
