until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
