My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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