wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
