he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
