6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
