How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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