i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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