I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
