My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
