We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
