Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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