I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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